John: did you know you can use rogaine to kill cats?
Joe: you can use a lot of things to kill cats
John: well ya, but rogaine is more surprising than a brick
Joe: depends how hard you throw it

Link

Joe: i have never been this excited about an election
John: I’ve never paid less attention to an election
…
Joe: btw, when i started this conversation, i couldn’t help but imagine our opening statements with the word “election” replaced by “erection”
John: you know, if I were more motivated, I’d write a script to pull google news clips and just replace those words
Joe: this is a truly historic erection
John: I was looking for good ones:
John: What Will It Take for a Smooth Erection?
Joe: U.S. Stocks Finish Solidly Higher After Erection
John: The world’s American erection?
Joe: US Erection Captivates the World
John: Erection ‘08 coming home in HD like never before
Joe: World Watches US Erection with Excitement
and the winner…
Joe: Wall St Rises, End of Erection Brings Relief

I managed to avoid all the pre-decision conjecture that CNN spouts for hours longer than they should be allowed to, and worked on redesigning the Juan Way site. It should look a little more professional now, and maybe people will give me money.

Also, I worked on a new dish, though I don’t have a name for it yet. It is a hotdog with a pancake for a bun. It is really tasty:

Joe: in general, the old one was really unsuccessful because it was crap
John: makes sense
Joe: whereas the new one was crap with special effects, so it was successful
John: new one wasn’t crap
Joe: it was visually astounding crap
John: ok
Joe: special effects
John: but shouldn’t that take it out of the realm of crap?
Joe: no, that’s kind of the point i’m making
John: I’m pretty sure a golden turd could be sold as a paperweight or something
Joe: like i said, it made it successful
Joe: but a golden turd is still a turd
John: :-/
Joe: you can sell golden turds, sure
John: its also a paperweight
Joe: a regular turd could be a paperweight too, it’d just be messier
John: I’m going to confuse this metaphor until I win

Joe: i didn’t do anything for earth day
Joe: except the usual small miracles that make every day a celebration unto itself
John: good
John: fuck holidays
John: I was thinking about that today, and how much I dislike the idea of that
Joe: right, we don’t have to care about the earth any day but today
John: concentrating all this [whatever] for one day of a the year, and then going back to normal afterwards
Joe: i think it’s supposed to be more like new year’s
Joe: where you think about how you can more wisely spend your next year
John: and we all know how well that works out

I had been thinking about the worthlessness of holidays, then Joe chimed in on that, and a little later Dan did too. Good.

Joe: someone told me the other day about their former pet iguana
Joe: who exploded
Joe: the iguana was constipated, so they took it to the vet
Joe: the vet took it in the next room, and came back to report that it had exploded
Joe: if not for the mess, i would have loved to be that vet
John: …I’m trying to wrap my head around that
Joe: don’t try to understand the exploding iguana
Joe: just enjoy the image
John: that’s easier
John: what if it wasn’t the iguana’s fault?
John: what if the vet put it down on something, like a grenade, and then it exploded
Joe: hahaha
Joe: those grenades are necessary for vets to have around
John: sure
Joe: they didn’t make sure that “vet” was short for veterinarian
John: haha
John: I’m told they usually use them for playing fetch with the annoying dogs
Joe: lol
Joe: or to show rhinos who’s boss
Joe: first thing you gotta do when they bring in their pet rhino
Joe: establish dominance
John: that’s where I always go wrong